The Colosseum V [Duelling Grounds]

[calviness]

the good ol' days, eh M?

[Mnemosynee]

calviness

the good ol' days, eh M?

You!

unsheathe your sword.


Time for you to defend! twisted

[Mahayr]

Akashiya Inoue

calviness

the good ol' days, eh M?

You!

unsheathe your sword.

Time for you to defend! twisted

*Pulls her aside first!* Yes, in some ways... its been really something, watching so many of you grow up, go to college, come into your own as writers, its been such a pleasure and privilege. Some great postcards, letters and gifts have been exchanged, plans are set to meet one of these days for some of us, its amazing.

[calviness]

Akashiya Inoue

You!

unsheathe your sword.


Time for you to defend! twisted

*unsheathes sword*
um, okay.
did I forget to post my entry?

[Mnemosynee]

calviness

Akashiya Inoue

You!

unsheathe your sword.


Time for you to defend! twisted

*unsheathes sword*
um, okay.
did I forget to post my entry?

Please do. I'll post right after.

[calviness]

Akashiya Inoue

Please do. I'll post right after.

uh, no, I meant that I was under the same delusion that Zero & Che were (the whole, under 24 hrs. thing) - it's back on pg. 3.

[Mnemosynee]

Zeo

The Duel:

Defender Name: Calviness
Challenger Name: Akashya Inoue
Judge: Zeo
Duel Type: Flash Call Out
Form: Free-Verse
Context: Open
The Bet: 4,000 gold

Enguarde!

Sand Sculpture


She supports herself beneath the sky that forces her skin
to drink the sun, so that she knows
what it's like to taste perfection.

Celestial fragments illuminate the lakes around her feet.
Day's reflection ignites morning on her skin,
a pale blue-white, reminiscent of the sky
when it's clear, and beautiful--her eyes
mimicking the colours of life.

When I found her by the lake this morning,
she was wearing beach colours,
standing tall on top of ancient monuments;
"tribal society would've cried out in prayer
to this finely sculpted Goddess."

She held her head high,
and smiled as brightly as the moon curve
that travels our heaven each night--
hair floating motionless.

The morning tides drift in and out,
flowing with the sand on my face
as a golden halo rises to crown
this Angel.

[Zeo]

I'm on a road shaped like a figure 8
___________________________________________

Judgment pending!

___________________________________________

I'm going nowhere, but I'm guaranteed to be late

[Mahayr]

calviness

Akashiya Inoue

Please do. I'll post right after.

uh, no, I meant that I was under the same delusion that Zero & Che were (the whole, under 24 hrs. thing) - it's back on pg. 3.

It was all done at the same time and no one left until the end, so fun and good conversations while we watched and waited... such fond memories of all of that for me.

And luis there you go with your bossy arrogant-sounding demands, you post first next time you lout!

[Mnemosynee]

Mahayr

calviness

Akashiya Inoue

Please do. I'll post right after.

uh, no, I meant that I was under the same delusion that Zero & Che were (the whole, under 24 hrs. thing) - it's back on pg. 3.

It was all done at the same time and no one left until the end, so fun and good conversations while we watched and waited... such fond memories of all of that for me.

And luis there you go with your bossy arrogant-sounding demands, you post first next time you lout!

I SAID PLEASE!




crying

[Zeo]

The Duel:

Defender Name: Calviness
Challenger Name: Akashya Inoue
Judge: Zeo
Duel Type: Flash Call Out
Form: Free-Verse
Context: Open
The Bet: 4,000 gold

I apologize for the belated judgment! I also didn't ask either of you if you'd like critique, so I won't offer crit for this judgment but if either of you would like crit for the piece you submitted I'd be happy to do so.

Akashiya Inoue

Sand Sculpture


She supports herself beneath the sky that forces her skin
to drink the sun, so that she knows
what it's like to taste perfection.

Celestial fragments illuminate the lakes around her feet.
Day's reflection ignites morning on her skin,
a pale blue-white, reminiscent of the sky
when it's clear, and beautiful--her eyes
mimicking the colours of life.

When I found her by the lake this morning,
she was wearing beach colours,
standing tall on top of ancient monuments;
"tribal society would've cried out in prayer
to this finely sculpted Goddess."

She held her head high,
and smiled as brightly as the moon curve
that travels our heaven each night--
hair floating motionless.

The morning tides drift in and out,
flowing with the sand on my face
as a golden halo rises to crown
this Angel.

calviness

Don't Wake Me Up

If it were up to me
I'd dump this
petri-dish of scuttling ambuli -
spilling the lurid light
back into biofreeze
and letting the heart stop,
so the spreading culture
may better seep.

I like the brevity of and intensity set up by calviness' poem. (I had to look up "ambuli" though and couldn't find it--did you maybe mean "amebula" or "ameba"?) In a short amount of time it draws me in and makes me want to know the story.

On the other hand, there's not a whole lot of story that gets developed. Clearly there's some tension, perhaps between the speaker and another person, but this idea doesn't get developed enough for me to see where it is really going. I think I'd want to see this piece keep the brevity, but find a way to give the reader more insight into what the images and biological metaphors are trying to convey.

Akashiya Inoue's piece develops its idea and explores the meaning behind the imagery further, but I feel it lacks the intensity. I think it communicates the central theme very well --that this woman is beautiful-- but doesn't really do much else. The imagery is effective, but as a reader I wish there were more going on in this piece. I want to say more complexity, but what I mean by that is complexity in the story, and not in the language or the imagery. It felt hard to connect with the woman's beauty as we have no real understanding of why she is important to the speaker.

As for judgment:

I'm going to say that Akashiya Inoue is the winner, as his piece took the inherent ideas and themes and developed them far more. His piece is altogether more fleshed out and feels more complete. Thanks for the read, both of you! biggrin

[Zero is an Integer]

calviness

Probably Zero

It's nothing of the sort.

tomato, tomahto.

This is clearly a case of is or isn't.

[The Love Mutt]

Probably Zero

calviness

Probably Zero

It's nothing of the sort.

tomato, tomahto.

This is clearly a case of is or isn't.

Psssssssssssssssssssssst:



-GLOMP-

[calviness]

Probably Zero

This is clearly a case of is or isn't.

Well fine. If you want to start the "nuh-uh" "yuh-huh"s we can do it that way too.

[Zero is an Integer]

calviness

Probably Zero

This is clearly a case of is or isn't.

Well fine. If you want to start the "nuh-uh" "yuh-huh"s we can do it that way too.

I'm game for just about anything.